Angst
by Suki-Alanna
Summary: A collection of one-shots. Written for bookluva98's challenge, "Not Just Words." Enjoy! There's Percabeth and one-sided Thalico right now, and a tiny bit of Thuke.
1. He's Gone

**Disclaimer: I don't own PJO.**

**AN: Written for the "Not Just Words" challenge, which was posted by bookluva98, and you know that I cannot resist any challenges. Unfortunately. **

Prompt: **"Broken, just another word for defeated. Fancy yet detached, yes, but meaning is one in the same."**

It's over. We're done. Two, not one. Annabeth and Percy, not AnnabethandPercy. It's hard to believe. Our love, it's defeated. Hate won. Broken, that's just another word for defeated. Because our love has been defeated. Majorly.

It's fancy, but very detached, and the meaning is the same.

How? How did this happen to _us_, of all people? We always seemed so perfect, everyone said so, and it _felt_ like it was perfect. But I guess that nothing perfect ever lasts.

I was so happy. I didn't know what was coming. He was going to leave.

_I smiled at him, and slipped into the Athena cabin. I had promised that we would see each other the next day, and that we could go to the lake and make out –er -swim. _

_He wasn't at breakfast, but I wasn't worried. It was just typical Seaweed Brain. I just figured that he would come out of his cabin looking like a zombie of something. Maybe a hydra, or a chimera, but he would always look like a god to me._

But I was wrong. It seems that I'm always wrong.

I searched. A lot. All the time.

Not that I ever found him.

"_Annabeth?" Chiron asked, "Where's Percy?"_

"_I don't know," I replied honestly, "I think he's still in his cabin. I could go get him, if you want."_

"_That sounds good, thank you Annabeth," Chiron replied, galloping off to stop Mr. D. from attempting to kill a camper._

_I walked to his cabin and knocked. There was no answer, so I slowly pushed the very creaky door open slightly, showing the dark depths of his messy room._

_I called, "Percy? Are you there?"_

_I got no answer, so I slowly entered the room, clutching my dagger and looking around, worry evident in my eyes._

_He wasn't there. My Seaweed Brain was missing._

It didn't really sink in until later, though. There were so many places Percy could be…

I blame myself. I blame myself for our defeat. I blame myself…

A lot of people really do blame themselves, but it really _was_ my fault this time. Wasn't it? I think that it was.

Though, I should probably continue…

I checked with Grover first.

"_Hey Grover!" I shouted as I ran towards him, "Have you seen -oh crap, sorry."_

_He had been kissing Juniper. That was not…the thing I wanted to see most._

Really, I had kept searching out of desperation. I knew that he wasn't in camp from the minute he didn't show up at the pavilion for breakfast.

I _knew_, but only subconsciously.

_The lake was glassy and empty; the beach only had two people-Travis Stoll and Katie Gardner-who appeared to be having a big enough fight to drive most everyone away. Except for, you know, those oblivious couples who didn't like each other except for a good make out session. They're so annoying. Right, sorry, back to the story._

_The forest was filled with training campers, but no one had seen Mr. Invincible, aka Percy Jackson, son of Poseidon who took a bath in the river Styx._

I remember that Percy once told me that I was his anchor to the world of the living, but now that seems so far away, so hard to reach. Because we're detached now, our love has been defeated.

"_Percy," I choked when I was finally alone in the Athena cabin, "Why? Why did you have to go and leave me here? I loved you, I trusted you. And now you're not here. Has our love finally been defeated, after four years?"_

_Malcolm and Lacey found me there, staring at the wall, not crying, not really doing anything. For those few hours, I was as stupid and shut down as Bella Swan when Edward left her. I hated that movie. _

_The next day I was strong and ready to find him. Because Percy would have done the same for me, no matter how much of a Seaweed Brain he was, and I _had_ to find him. It was as essential to my survival as breathing, if not more so._

_I've been searching, searching while dealing with defeat, and it's hard. And very, very painful._

For instance, there was that time with Blackjack…

"_Come on," I muttered, soaring over London and ignoring the sparkly lights coming from some museum. A lead from some archeologist had led me here, and I was hoping that I would finally find Percy, but to no avail._

"_Damn," I muttered, as Blackjack whickered softly in worry._

I wasn't surprised. Of course it was a false lead. There was nothing but false leads…

_Just after that the winds shifted, and I found myself beginning to fall off of Blackjack. I looked, and saw a strange light inside the British museum. Then, I hit a building. I wouldn't recommend falling off of a Pegasus and hitting a building, it hurts. A lot._

I never did find out what those strange lights were…

Anyway, there were so many clues…

All of them were jokes, until…

"_Butch, I think that they could be for real."_

"_Maybe," he said uncomfortably._

They were for real. Piper, Jason and Leo were a real clue…or clues I suppose.

I was so happy, ecstatic really. Because those three brought me a few steps closer to Percy, a few steps closer to being truly happy again. Because I somehow knew that he was still out there. He was still out there and he was waiting for _me_ to come find him, because he probably would be clueless without me, his rational side.

I had been rational for him so many times…

"_Percy, I really don't think that your mom needs an Xbox."_

"_Well, you never know."_

"_Percy, I think in this case, we know."_

"_Are you sure?" he teased me, softly pulling a strand of my long blonde hair._

Percy was always so much fun, a great boyfriend. But we were defeated, and now we're broken, and I can't do anything about that. I'm so weak. I'm so damn weak. I can't even find my boyfriend. I'm a terrible person, a terrible person. Zeus, kill me now, please. It would be an act of mercy.

**Not now sweetie. **_**I'm**_** still hoping for Percabeth.**

**AN: In case you couldn't tell, this is about the time when Percy disappears, and I'm sorry if something contradicts to books, I'm too lazy to go read them right now.**


	2. Life

**Disclaimer: I don't own PJO.**

**AN: I've been neglecting you Percy Jackson people in favor of Harry Potter! I deserted you! Sorry!**

**Prompt: ****Lost, yet another word for alone – in a sense. So why is wandering the broken path so hard if she knows there is no company?**

_The road of life is hard, and many work to face it, and yet, somehow it works past a person's defenses and crushes them, paying no mind to who or what it crushes._

_That is, if you want to be deep. If not, then this will be so much easier. Life sucks. A lot. _

_I don't really know who I am, or who I'm going to be. I'm walking this path alone because of a mistake I made when I was less than a day from sixteen. I joined the Hunters of Artemis. It was cowardly, I know, and sometimes I wake up at night wondering, what if?_

_Don't get me wrong, I'm fine with my choice. Its better that Percy is the child of the prophecy, after all, I might have gone to the dark side because of my dad. Also, they have cookies._

_This world is so big though, and I'm walking around lost in it. In a sense, lost is the same as alone. Lost on this road, travelling it alone. They're not complete synonyms, but close enough._

_So, I'm lost. That's strange, the strong Thalia Grace admitting that she's lost. I'm not completely emotionless, you know. I can have the occasional emotion. Occasional, mind you. _

_Walking alone…taking this life alone is hard. Why? Why is it so hard if I know that I won't have any company? Even I can't answer that. _

_There have been offers of company, but I've turned them down. I have no idea why. Like with Conner Stoll. She offered to marry me-which I hope was a joke-and I tuned them down._

_I've turned down so many offers over the three years. It was hard, but I finally admitted to myself why I turned everyone down, other than the obvious reason of absolutely no attraction. Nico di Angelo. I think I'm in love with the son of Hades, who would also be my cousin if gods had DNA. Which they don't, but still, it's somewhat strange._

_Nico is one of the few people who haven't invited me to walk the broken path with them, and the one I most want to. I would quit the Hunters in two seconds for Nico._

_Annabeth says that someday he'll come along, but somehow I won't let myself believe her. I'm just that stupid, I guess. Nico is completely oblivious of my feelings, try as I might to show them._

_I'm not trying to say that I have nothing, but sometimes everything I do have overwhelms me, and I sink into depression completely. I'm not saying that I'm all the way gone, but that doesn't make it any easier. But it will get better. It has to. If it never gets better, then nobody would ever live past their teenage years. Of course, my teenage years go on forever unless I'm killed in battle, which is looking good by this point._

_So I'm not doing anything stupid…yet. _

"Thalia?" a voice called.

I shielded the words I was writing and turned to the voice in shock.

"Nico?" I spluttered, "What are you doing here?"

"I have no idea," he sighed, "I just broke up with Christina, and I guess I needed someone."

"Sure," I said, not wanting to think about all of his girlfriends. Nico was a bit of a player.

I turned back to my paper for a few seconds.

_Of course, there has been 'love' for me before. Luke…my knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in tin foil. How depressing._

_And now my new knight is a bit of a player, and his armor is really, really dented, and yet, solid. You see, he has a really strong mask and all. He just bounces all of his break ups off of me, and I never really know what to say._

_If I quit the Hunters for him, would he get tired of me and throw me aside? I hope not, it's not in his nature, but he has been changing recently. It's almost undetectable, but there._

"Hey Thalia," Nico asked, "What cha' writing?"

"Nothing," I replied, struggling to hide the paper. Luckily, I succeeded, I can't imagine what would have happened if Nico had seen the contents of the paper that that moment.

As he turned his back to talk to Percy and Annabeth, who had wandered over, being all cute, coupleish and completely, utterly, disgusting, I returned to my musing.

_He flirts so much, but I think he could be loyal, if he found the right person, and I think that I could be that right person, if he would be willing to consider me. Unfortunately, I seem to have been placed in the category of 'sister friend person who's a girl and gone most of the time, but she's okay to talk to in a pinch'. I hate that category. I also hate replacing Bianca in a way. Not completely, but it's there. A Hunter of Artemis that is at least somewhat his sister and he can trust._

_He can trust me completely. I am such a sucker for pain, and I always fall for the crappy ones._

_Exhibit A, sitting on the same rock as me, and flirting with Rachel who appeared out of nowhere while managing to have a conversation with Percy and Annabeth, who don't mind, because they're just that much into each other. Fun. _

_Exhibit B, who should probably be exhibit A, since I 'loved' him before I 'loved' Nico. Luke. He turned traitor and tried to kill me by poisoning my tree, and starting a war, etc._

_Yeah, I don't make the best choices in men, do I?_

_I don't need to walk this broken path alone. That's what pisses me off. Really, I'm free to quit the Hunters at any time, though I would rather not unless I have to. They're like my sisters, and I don't want to abandon them without a good reason._

_Until he notices me, I walk the broken path of life alone. Which shouldn't be so lonely, since I knew that there would be no company for me, but whatever. _

**An: The end. Another prompt completed, and I'm proud of that one. I hoped I stayed in character, I don't write Thalia much. Also, I like how I used the minim amount of dialogue needed, just enough so that it was there. Not I go back and…edit! Fun!**

'**Till next time, my friends.**

**~Suki-Alanna **


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